omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
