On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I smell stomach acid.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
