Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently you make a good broom.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
