A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
