A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
