I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
