Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
