fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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