it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
