Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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