I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
