bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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