you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
