Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
then he tried to convert me to islam
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
