Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
