Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am one with the molecules
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
