Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
