Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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