Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
