tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
