And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
