tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i out mim tonsoeep
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