Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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