planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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