So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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