never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
