So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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