so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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