Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
