How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
