Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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