I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
