Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you would pick up someone in the library
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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