I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
