While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize