Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize