Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
