a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
