i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
