she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its liver damage thursday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
