Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
