Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
