Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize