remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
