Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
