How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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