whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
