Buhtt sex?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
