I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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