he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
