I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
