1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
