I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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