i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
