So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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