forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
