How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
