sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
