Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
