you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
