Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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