ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
