tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
