she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
