i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
