one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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