apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
