When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i think my cat just said my name.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
