when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
