Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
