where am i from again
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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