he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
