My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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