wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you traded sex for a burrito?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
