Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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