great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
